WHY and HOW? A letter to my blood.

I cannot sleep because of the nightmares of what I learned. It’s as though I’m in a bad dream that I wish I could wake from, but when I wake, it’s still there. 300,000 is what separates you. The two old bloods keep tabs on me to be sure it’s not effecting anything, but they don’t know that I have to replay the news in my mind every second of every day. How is it true. When did it start. What went wrong. Why did it happen. You were supposed to be like me or maybe I was supposed to be like you. We were the good ones; came from the same blood. I’m not judging, I’m just confused, maybe betrayed, even a little lot disappointed. Was it your surroundings. Or maybe it was your belief that you had no one-naw couldn’t be that seeing as I was always there with you. I was one step behind you because of a six year separation. I wanted to be you. Live with you. You had four bloods that somehow ended with scars and I wasn’t there to ask my questions. Why did it happen. When did it happen. Where did it happen. Who did it happen with. There’s this silent death trying to consume the love and inspiration surrounding you, blood. Should I let it surround the hope or should I hope that this isn’t reality. Should I hope that I’m in the future and can go back in the past and change what should not be. Can I save my blood and brain the troubles. This blood that runs through me shares a link with others, i should have known I think. It wasn’t supposed to happen the way it did. there were offers, plenty, for you. I wake up to the nightmares of dreadful pictures and tears. I stare at this screen contemplating what to do next. I miss you. I miss them because i can’t hear them. I don’t have a link to them because the blood we shared has been cut off due to the scars and blockage that happened. WHY did it happen? HOW did it happen? There they are, the questions everyone wants to know, the questions that will tell a story that could lead to freedom or sadness. Will I get my bond back. I have to find a way. I will try to help even if you’re wrong because you’re a part of me. An outcome of your surroundings and make up. Two of the same but still so different. I will give external support because that’s all I can do. I’m not the enemy. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know anything and it scares me. What went wrong. What caused this change. I cringed after I read the words. I want it to be false, I want it to be a mistake. I want to rewind time. I want a lot. But what i need is closure. I need to be able to sleep without waking up in the middle of night to silent tears. I need to be able to focus on school and my tests, but I can’t seem to function. My blood is broken but no one knows why or how or when it happened. No one knows what’s inside me. No one knows the struggles that I face as I walk through the crowds smiling and talking trying to push back the thoughts of my blood. Every time a little though enters my head, I cry no matter where I am. I have to run and hide before others ask questions. The pain is like vasoconstriction of the vessels to my heart.My heart is slowly dying while I wait for answers. Will I get my answers? yes. But the questions still remain of HOW, WHY, WHEN. and WHERE did it happen? Will it be the truth or just the build up of evidence that some how looks right so that becomes the truth.


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